Petrified
by headtrip parade
Summary: Rayna tries her hand at redemption while also giving Deacon a chance at what he lost. One shot. Based on spoilers for 2x07.


**I was inspired to do this story after reading the press release/official synopsis and seeing the promotional photos for episode 2x07. If you don't like speculation/spoilers, be warned, but I hope you'll read anyway. ;) Oneshot. **

* * *

_Petrified._

She sighed.

The word played in her head like some sort of bad record on repeat. Every time she sought to get her wits about her and make the phone call, the word and all of its meaning and inference and the thoughts, feelings, and nausea that came with it flooded her to her very core.

_This isn't the right thing to do, Rayna._

She kept telling herself how utter disastrous this would be; that it was borderline cruel, but she had done so many bad things and tried to justify them with such unflattering gilded measure that the line between right and wrong was too blurry for her to see now.

She began to ask herself why. Was she doing it for herself? Probably not, as few good things had come from the unraveling of her lies and she honestly wanted to crawl into a hole and forget that she had ever even put herself, the love of her life, and their daughter in such a delicate position.

Was she doing it for him? It was possible, but she couldn't be sure. When he'd reached out to her, she'd left him standing on the side of the road with her heart and a small ring that carried so much of all their weight. She hadn't given him the chance to talk, or to even listen to her explain. She ran away under the guise of finding themselves and standing on their own, but only now did she roll her eyes at how ridiculous she could be when the fire was lit under her ass.

_This time you just left him on the side of the road. Last time, you robbed him of his child._

The nerves crept up her body and into her throat again. _His child._

She had done so well at hiding from everyone the fact that she actually did see Deacon in Maddie and thought of him and missed him every day early on, but eventually she had even come to believe her own utter bullshit. It was awful, she knew, but around the time she got pregnant with Daphne, Maddie was no longer Deacon's daughter. She had somehow become Teddy's in her eyes and Rayna hadn't even noticed the transition.

She shuddered, remembering how surprisingly blindsided she was when the divorce was set into motion and everyone in her world started whispering of the complications a custody battle could have on an issue of paternity.

_And you have the nerve to call HIM destructive?_

She sighed and collected herself, knowing full well that all along she was doing this for Maddie.

A tear sprang to her eye as she recalled the conversation she'd had with her daughter the night before.

"_Mom?"_

"_Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay? Aren't you at your dad's wedding?"_

"_Can you come get me?"_

_Rayna sat up on the couch, concerned._

"_What's wrong, honey?"_

"_I just really don't belong here."_

_Sighing, Rayna took a sip of wine and eased back down into the cushions. _

"_Maddie, I know you're feeling confused. I know you're still hurt and mad at him but you have to know that your dad loves you. We both do. Just because we didn't stay togeth—"_

"_I want to see Deacon."_

_She was sure the look on her face embodied every bit of dread, fear, and utter sweet relief that flowed through her veins when her daughter made the statement. Maddie had sounded so adamant; so __**sure**__ in her conviction that Rayna wasn't positive she could even try to say no, and honestly, she wasn't sure she would if she could. _

"_Sweetheart—"_

"_I want to, mom. I want to spend time with him and get to know him. He's my father. Will you talk to him?"_

_Rayna sighed again. She didn't think she'd have to deal with this much drama until Maddie at least entered high school._

"_Yes, I will, but I'm not coming to get you. Go try to have fun. Aunt Tandy's picking you up at 10."_

"_Okay. Bye."_

"_Bye honey."_

It was her daughter's wish and her right to know her father as her father. She knew she couldn't stop that seed from budding if it was planted, and not surprisingly, it was.

Without another thought, she hit "send" on her phone. The number had been sitting there, ready to be dialed, for probably close to 45 minutes, she figured.

"Hey, Ray."

She closed her eyes. The sound of his voice was still haunting to her, like every word was falling from his throat and off his tongue just to remind her of all the mistakes both of them had made.

"Hey, listen, I was wondering if you could meet me tonight. Frothy Monkey, maybe? I'm buying."

"I don't know, Ray. I've got a lot—"

She didn't have time for his excuses, nor were they important to her. Sadly, a great deal of their misfortunes had been born from a fantastic mix of him making the excuses and her complete lack of regard for a lot of things.

"It's about Maddie."

He didn't have to think, as she knew he wouldn't. She always knew deep down that if he could only overcome his demons, he would be an amazing dad. He had unknowingly confirmed that notion for her when she'd shown up at his house at midnight in a ball gown and he didn't hesitate or blink before offering his help, all the worry in the world on his face as he did so.

"I'll be there."

She led him to her car, coffees in hand. She'd banked on no one sitting outside the coffeehouse given the unseasonably cold temperature of 40, but apparently hipsters in grimy hoodies would do anything.

"It's freezing!"

* * *

She quickly turned the ignition and turned the heat up, also making a mental note that she needed to get more use out of her heated seats.

"It's supposed to be colder tomorrow."

She looked at him and chuckled slightly.

"What? You're watching the weather reports now?"

"Nah, that's all Megan,"

Rayna felt the sharp pangs of jealousy stabbing at her, but she smiled politely and looked down at the cup in her hand.

"What are we doing here, Ray? Is Maddie alright?"

She sighed. Here went nothing.

"She's fine, it's just—she asked me to call you…"

He said nothing, but his eye burned into her as she spoke. She could almost feel herself choking up.

"She wants you to be part of her life, Deacon- a big part of it."

He blinked, turning his gaze to the dashboard in front of him.

"What does that mean, Rayna?"

"Well, she is your daughter."

He smirked, gripping his cup tighter. She could feel his anger building.

"Teddy's her father. That's been established, very clearly, by the both of you. Are you asking me for money? Is that what this is?"

She scoffed, fighting the extreme urge within her to throw her latte in his face.

"How dare you!"

"How dare me?!" His voice rose.

"She wants YOU to be her father, Deacon! She wants YOU. I called you to tell you that your child wants a relationship with you, probably more than she wants a relationship with anyone else."

He turned his face towards the window, but she could feel him softening. She could also envision the tears welling in his eyes without having to see them.

"You shut me out, Rayna. I'm not so sure I would've been any good but I still missed all of it."

It occurred to her in that instant that he could very easily tell her to fuck off and be justified. He could tell her that she had absolutely no right to be sitting in her vehicle insinuating to him that he had any sort of responsibility and he would be right. She'd had no right to make that phone call, but at the end of the day she knew it was the right thing for Maddie, as well as for him.

She knew, deep down, that he wouldn't say all those things to her—all he'd wanted with her was a family. This was his chance to try and make one, and it was also her chance to give him back what she'd taken.

"Deacon, you have to listen to me," she lightly touched his shoulder. As he turned to look at her, she lowered her face, unsure she was able to look him in the eye. "I never wanted to hurt you, or her. I was painted into a corner with such a thick coat of paint I felt like I didn't have a choice. I know you feel like she was stolen from you and maybe you're not completely wrong. You did miss it. You missed all of it and I'm responsible for that."

He wiped his eyes.

"I don't know what to do here, Ray."

"First you can accept my apology, then we can talk about how we can make this work for all of us."

She finally met his gaze. He wasn't angry, he wasn't confused. He was just plain sad. Her heart shattered.

"Answer one question for me," She nodded reluctantly. "What was it like the day she was born?"

Rayna smiled, feeling the memory come over her like it was happening all over again.

"Painful. She sure didn't want to make it easy on me," She grinned at him, relieved to see the smallest grin creeping onto his face. "But then there she was, and she was perfect. She had all ten fingers, ten toes. She weighed 7 pounds, 9 ounces and had big, bright eyes and strong lungs. All the nurses and Teddy were chattering around me about how beautiful she was but I couldn't hear 'em. She and I were in our own little world together. You know the first thing I thought of?"

"What?"

"I thought—" she cleared the lump in her throat, hot, fresh tears springing to her eyes. "I looked at her and I thought, _'I wish your daddy was here.'_"

She didn't bother trying to stop the tears. That part of the memory had always gutted her, much like it did on the day. It was the truth. That was her first thought, before she tried her damnedest to repress it and bask in everything Teddy was doing for her.

He looked at her and nodded, full of all the hurt and sadness in the universe, but also all the understanding he could muster.

"Well, I couldn't have been there anyway. I was in treatment for another three weeks."

She nodded.

"You were missed, Deacon. I didn't just give up on you. I never let you go."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for the two of you."

She grabbed his hand.

"Remember when I told you that we needed to save ourselves? That we just brought each other grief?"

He nodded

"Well, we've brought each other so much more than grief. We brought each other a lot of happiness with it. We gave each other so much love. You gave me the sweetest, most special gift. She's amazing. I want to do right by you, Deacon, but I'm also asking you to do right by her. She needs you just as much as you need her."

He finally reacted to her touch, squeezing back on her hand and gazing at her, almost longingly. She could see the fear in his eyes, but she also saw the willingness and the desire to know his child and have a place in her life that, until that point, he was certain he'd never have.

"Okay, Ray. When can I see her?"


End file.
